I’ll will never be angry again…..I hope.

The suffering isn’t over. I spent all night last night bent over in pain, felling like I was being stabbed in the stomach repeatedly all night, until about 8am this morning, then it started to simmer down. I kept my boyfriend up all night with my moans and groans. He was so sweet and kept getting up to get me Chinese Medicated Oil to rub on my tummy, and drinks and Maalox chewables. I had been starting to feel better last night, so had cooked some pasta and fish sticks and ate them a couple of hours before going to bed. It was definitely the food that started all the pain again….now I’m scared to eat!

My boyfriend said to me, ‘See what happens when you get angry?’. He’s right. He thinks I probably had some mild food poisoning and a period coming already, but that having the anxiety/anger attack sent my immune system in to a frenzy and it was unable to control what would have ordinarily been a couple of uncomfortable cramps. I’m sure that’s pretty accurate.

Oh why do I let these things happen? !!!  I haven’t worked in days and am now really behind with some huge projects…..not to mention that the house is now a mess since I’ve been too sick to keep it up.

Hopefully I’ll learn something from this, and work a lot harder in the future to not get so wound up about stuff, and to recognize that when I’m getting anxiety, I need to stop what I’m doing and meditate instead of letting the heat and rage fester in to a tornado.

Rage & Anxiety

So, I may not have previously mentioned, that one of the reasons that I am learning Chinese Medicine and Meditation, is to clear my mind of rage and anger. I can get myself extremely worked up over nothing and make myself sick. In fact, I did exactly this, this weekend.

I got myself completely worked up over a stupid piece of software that I’m having technical difficulties with, until I blew up about it, throwing my keyboard across the room in a total rage. I made myself really sick. Either that, or it was an utter coincidence that I got a terrible case of food poisoning right after I had this rage attack. I started vomiting violently, got terrible diarrhea, started a period, developed whiplash and a migraine, and the chills all at once. I felt awful! I spent all day yesterday in and out of bed, feeling dizzy and aching all over. Today, I’m feeling somewhat better, though weak and still dizzy. I’m booked in to spend a few hours with Grace, my acupuncturist this afternoon to try and fix it so I can get on with my week. I’m pretty convinced I did this to myself and that if I were better able to control my anger, I wouldn’t have had to go through all this. I definitely need to meditate more! I can’t quite believe just how sick I made myself.